On our tenth wedding anniversary, Dave took me to an elegant restaurant and proposed an open relationship. He presented the idea as a favor to me. Because I was always tired from caring for our children, he said, he could have fun with “real women” while I focused on the home. The casual way he dismissed me hurt almost as much as the request.Special Occasions

My first instinct was to shout or throw my drink. Instead, I agreed on one condition: I would be free to date other people too. Dave hesitated for only a moment. He was so certain women would compete for him that he never considered what the arrangement might mean when applied equally. I did not accept because I wanted a different partner. I wanted him to confront the selfish fantasy hidden inside his proposal.

Within a week, Dave was struggling on dating apps. Matches disappeared, conversations went nowhere, and women canceled. He expected me to comfort him while I continued doing the laundry, managing the children, and keeping the household running. Even in an arrangement he claimed would create freedom, he assumed my labor would remain unchanged.

I created my own profile and began receiving attention. The experience reminded me that I was not invisible or undesirable. More important, I started taking time for myself. I dressed for my own confidence, went out, and held conversations with people who listened. Dave’s enthusiasm turned into jealousy as soon as he realized that the freedom he wanted could not belong only to him.